Mass Effect -- Consequences and Judgement
by MizDirected
Summary: NO NEED TO REVIEW THIS. IT'S JUST BACK STORY, NOT A PROPER NARRATIVE. First Part of the Internal Machinations of Exploding Stars Series. After the Alpha Relay incident, Commander Shepard returns to Earth to face the consequences of her actions.
1. Chapter 1

I

Shepard flopped into the chair at her desk and leaned back, resting her head. She closed her eyes and let herself sink into the leather, her muscles turning to jelly.

"We did it." A wide smile cracked through the practiced, professional soldier mask. Her people had accomplished the impossible and come through. Every single one of them had come through. She smiled, and took a moment to savour the feeling of being at the helm of such a remarkable group of people. As soon as they reached the citadel, they would all go their own way once more. Who knew if she would ever see most of them again.

Knuckles rapped on her door.

"Come in," she called without moving or opening her eyes.

The door opened, the one she most wanted to see walking through. She shoved away doubts about whether he would leave her too, and just concentrated on the moment.

"So this is how the living legend celebrates bringing her suicide team back alive?"

Shepard sighed. "Too tired to do anything else." She looked up at Garrus and smiled. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Heart rate returned to normal about five minutes ago."

"Yeah. Adrenaline crash." She sat up. "I'm not even sure I have a shower in me."

He walked over and crouched next to her chair. "Want some company? I think I can stand unshowered Shepard."

She reached out to touch his face. "I don't have any gymnastics in me for sure."

He chuckled. "What did you say last night? If you just hold me, it will be enough." He touched his brow to hers. "I'll get Gardener to bring up some food then we can get into bed. No gymnastics required."

She nodded and sighed. "Deal. You give the evil genius a call, and I'll wash the collector base off."

Garrus stood and headed down to the couch. Shepard watched him for a moment, smiling to herself. When she met him two years ago, if someone had suggested to her that the turian would become her right hand and most trusted friend, she would've been more than skeptical. "And wrong," she whispered and pushed herself up.

An hour later, Shepard laid curled in against Garrus's side, her head resting on his arm, feeling safer than she could remember feeling.

"So, why me, Shepard?"

She looked up. "Why you?"

"Yeah. Miranda was senior officer. Why'd you have me lead the second team?"

Shepard sighed and wriggled in a little closer. "Miranda might be XO as far as Cerberus is concerned, but I wasn't going to trust the team to her. She lacks a certain ... hmmm... humanity. I needed someone I could trust to do the job but take care of the team as well. Besides, we both know what can happen if squabbles start in the middle of a mission. If Jack had acted out, it could have meant disaster. She respects you. I knew she wouldn't give you any flack."

Garrus's arm tightened around her. "It wasn't about throwing me into the deep end?"

She shook her head. "No. You're a natural leader. If you don't believe that now, you will some day. Nothing I do or say will flip that switch for you. You're way too stubborn for that."

He chuckled. "What did the Illusive Man have to say about your blowing that place to hell?"

"He's ... um... less than pleased, but he reinforced to me that I did the right thing. He told me that the base could have secured human dominance against the Reapers and beyond." She reached up and laced her fingers with his. "I can't trust him with that sort of power. How long would it have been before volus or elcor or hanar colonies started going missing to make a Reaper for Cerberus? And even if we did win the coming battle, then what? He turns the monsters he's created against the rest of the races?"

Garrus nodded and turned to nuzzle her temple. "You're unlike anyone I've ever known. Most people can't see past their lives. Most races can't see past their own agendas."

Shepard sighed. "I want to save my people, but I won't sacrifice what is best in us to do it, and I certainly won't sacrifice the other races to do it."

"So, what's next?"

"Admiral Hackett asked me to rescue an operative from Aratoht in Batarian space. Apparently, she has proof of the imminent Reaper invasion."

"When do we suit up?"

She shook her head. "You don't. He's asked me to go in alone and silently, break her out with as few alarms as possible. No squad."

"You're going in alone?" He pulled back to look down at her. "Can't say I agree with that, Shepard."

"I know, but it's the way he's asked me to play it, so that's the way I'll go in. If I'm careful, I should be able to get her out without any bullets being involved."

"That would be a first." Garrus placed a talon under her chin and tilted her head up to kiss her then pulled her in tight against him again. He let out a long breath. "Thanks Shepard."

She smiled and closed her eyes. "For what?"

"Throwing yourself after me." He nuzzled her temple. "Never even occurs to you not to do those things, does it?"

Shepard laughed softly. "You would have done the exact same thing if our places had been reversed, and it wouldn't have occurred to you to do otherwise."

"Go to sleep Shepard. Going to need to be sharp tomorrow."

She wriggled in and nodded. "That I will."


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard stepped out of the shuttle into the pouring rain and sighed, glancing up at the steel-coloured sky. "This is going to suck," she groaned as the first trickle of rainwater slipped inside the neck of her armour. "Why don't I ever get the missions to break someone out of a tropical resort and spa." She chuckled and shrugged her Mattock into her hands. "Shepard we need you to go undercover at The Nimble Blue Hands Spa and Resort on Thessia."

She shrugged off the constant stream of water down the back of her neck and started looking for a way into the prison.

* * *

Shepard sat up on the side of the bed and looked around Med Bay. She spent way too much time in Dr. Chakwas' company. She eased herself off the edge, feeling a little lightheaded and nauseated, but none the worse for her stay with The Project's staff. Closing her eyes, she did a wry self diagnostic.

"Not like I'd know I was indoctrinated if I had been," she grumbled under her breath. Still... wanted Reapers defeated. Check. Still no plan on how to do that. Check. Still glad to have blown the Collector base to hell. Check. All systems normal.

She looked up as the discussion between Admiral Hackett and Dr. Chakwas ended, and straightened to salute when he walked up to her. He looked as tired as she felt. There were damned few people on her side of the Reaper issue, and they all had that same look about them... like they'd spent way too much time beating their head against a table.

"How are you feeling? Recovered from your ordeal?" The admiral asked, snapping a brisk salute in reply.

"Yes Sir."

"Bring me up to speed, Shepard. I have a whole lot of blanks to fill in."

Shepard told him the entire story of breaking Kenson out, discovering the arrival, and what had happened to her at The Project. When she finished, he stared at her for a moment, handed her back her report, called her a hero and then told her to prepare to face the firing squad in order to appease the batarians.

"Yes Sir." She saluted him.

Shepard sighed and leaned back against the bed. Weariness soaked all the way through her, weighing her down. So many dead. She closed her eyes and shook her head. So many dead, and the fight hadn't even started yet.

Dr. Chakwas entered. "How are you feeling, Commander?"

Shepard opened her eyes. "I just killed three hundred thousand civilians, doc. I feel old and worn down." She gave the other woman a weak smile. "But, I will shake it off. I always do." She pushed away from the bed. "Am I cleared to leave?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes. You don't seem any the worse for wear from the hit you took from Object Rho. I'll run regular psych evals as we continue, but my tests don't show any change in your brain waves."

"Here's hoping." Shepard laid a hand on Dr. Chakwas's arm. "Thanks doc, much appreciated."

"Where do we go from here, Shepard?"

"First to the Citadel. I think this crew has earned itself a very expensive dinner on my tab. I imagine we'll lose at least a few of the team there. Then back to earth to face the firing squad." She gave the doctor an exhausted smile. "See you later, doc."

"Take care, Shepard. My prescription for tonight is a quiet dinner and rest... perhaps a little company." She smiled.

Shepard nodded. "I'll take that under advisement."

Leaving the med bay, Shepard skirted the crew who were standing around in the galley, no doubt waiting to hear what had happened to her on Aratoht. That wasn't a story she intended to tell anyone. Well, almost anyone. The elevator doors were just about to close when Garrus stepped inside.

"Going up?"

Shepard gave Garrus a weary smile and nodded. "Yeah."

Neither one said anything until the door to her quarters shut behind her. She stopped, facing away from him for a moment, then turned and wrapped her arms around him.

Garrus hesitated for a moment, then held her. "Rough couple of days."

She turned her face into his neck, hiding the tears that squeezed past her control.

"Come on." He wrapped his arm around her waist and led her down to the couch, drawing her onto his lap and into his arms.

She curled into him, struggling to fight back the sudden, chilling despair that spread through her. She'd killed a more than a quarter million people: women, children, old people... and for what? To buy a few months to prepare for an enemy that they had no hope to prepare against – an enemy that wasn't just coming at some indeterminate time in the future, but who had arrived.

"You did what you had to do, Shepard," Garrus said softly. He rubbed her back and rested his cheek against the top of her head. "You did what you always do."

"What's that?" she whispered.

"The impossible. You bought us time to figure out how to defeat them." He shook his head. "I wish I'd been there."

She took slow breaths until she regained control, then pulled away. "I wish you'd been there too. It was a hell of a fight." She moved to sit next to him and leaned against his side. "Hackett said I need to turn myself in, and he's right. After Aratoht, the batarians will be out for blood, and the Alliance can't afford a war, not with the Reapers here."

"Tell me what happened, from the beginning."

Shepard laid out everything that had happened to her since the shuttle had dropped her outside the prison.

Garrus listened, remaining silent for long moments after she told him about her discussion with the admiral.

Shepard turned to face him. "What is it?"

He didn't meet her eyes and just shook his head.

"Do you think I did the wrong thing?"

His head snapped around to look at her and he frowned. "Not for a second." He reached out for her hand. "How do you think the Alliance will react?"

She shook her head. "There's so much to do that maybe Admiral Hackett and Anderson will be able to talk them into acquitting me, but I doubt it. The Council and the Alliance leadership will need to keep the batarians appeased. I'm probably looking at a court martial followed by the brig, at least for a while. I just hope I can keep Dr. Chakwas and Joker out of it."

He turned to face her. "Is there anything I can do?"

She squeezed his hand. "Other than stick with me through it, then get yourself home and try to get your people ready the best you can, probably not."

"Go back to Palaven." His tone clearly telling her that he considered the Normandy home.

"Yeah." She smiled and looked around her. "Seems strange to think of a ship as being home." She shrugged. "But then again, I suppose it's not actually the ship." She sighed and turned to look into his eyes. "This whole thing is just going to be a continuing landslide of suck, isn't it?"

He just shook his head again and wrapped his arms around her.

"Well, first thing, we get these people to the Citadel, give them a night to just relax and unwind." She rested her head against him and closed her eyes. "Then the next day, meet with everyone, let them know what I'm doing and allow them to decide what they want to do from there."

"I'm going with you to Earth."

She gave him a sad smile. "Thanks. Wouldn't blame you if this was a firefight you wanted to avoid. I sure do."

"I have your back, Shepard. You know that."

She nodded. "Yeah, I do." His unwavering loyalty knocked a big chunk out of her armour, and she found herself fighting back tears again.

He squeezed her tight. "You did what you had to do. You saved a lot of lives out there, Shepard."

"And they would have died anyway when the Reapers arrived, I know. Right now, I'm just feeling a little too much like mass murderer for that to be any comfort." She pulled away and stood, pacing over to the stairs. She stared at the fish swimming blithely around in their tank, the weight of the entire galaxy pressing down on her until she felt as though she might suffocate from it.

"Why?" she whispered without turning to look at him. "300,000 babies and old people... oh my god, Garrus. Why?" Sorrow and guilt churned together like volatile chemicals, building until it felt as though her chest would explode with the effort to contain them.

Garrus stood and walked over to her, gathering her back into his arms even though she resisted. "I don't know, Shepard. This isn't going to be what you want to hear, right now, but I think it's what you need to hear. I don't know why all this landed on your lap, but I'm damned glad it did. There isn't anyone else in the galaxy who could have pulled off the things you've done since Eden Prime. There isn't anyone else who will defeat those bastards. And I know that this is something you want to hear even less, but you saved those people a horror." He shook his head. "We've seen it, Shepard. We know better than most what would have happened to those people."

She took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes.

"They died in an instant, Shepard, without the terror and pain."

After a moment, she nodded. "The why doesn't matter anyway, right? This nightmare factory is mine to deal with regardless, so I just have to keep dealing." She kissed his cheek and took a couple of deep breaths, walling the thousands of screaming voices into the far back corner of her mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard stopped just inside the door to the restaurant and looked across the room to the massive table where her team and the Normandy's crew had already assembled. They were all just talking quietly, but she expected as much, most of them having just endured a trauma she could barely imagine. She understood, feeling more like spending the night in fetal position tucked in against Garrus's side then plastering on a smile and pretending that everything was fine.

She closed her eyes and took a sharp breath in and out. "Sometimes you can save people," she whispered. "Suck it up for them, Shepard." Opening her eyes, she smoothed her skirt down her thighs and headed over.

"Hey Commander!" Joker called, spotting her first. He raised his glass. "Here's to the biggest bad-ass this side of the galactic core."

Shepard chuckled as she walked around the table, laying a friendly hand on Miranda's shoulder. "How many of those have you had?"

"Not nearly as many as I intend to have." He raised his glass again.

Garrus stood and pulled out the chair between him and Thane.

Shepard smiled and gave him a quick, one-armed squeeze. "Why thank you." She sat and turned to Thane. "How are you doing?"

He nodded. "I am well enough, thank you, Commander."

"No, thank you for safe guarding my crew. I knew if anyone could get them through, it was you."

He bowed his head. "It was my honour, Shepard."

The commander smiled as Garrus's hand slipped around her waist and she leaned back against him a little.

"How are you feeling, Commander?" Samara asked from across the table.

"None the worse for wear, thanks." Shepard gave the Justicar her most convincing smile and pressed back against Garrus. For a moment, the accusations of the dead whispered through her mind, working their way through spreading cracks in the wall.

Garrus leaned in close, his breath warm against her ear. "Just breathe."

She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, following his advice. After a few, calming breaths, the screams retreated, the cracks sealing. She opened her eyes and lifted her hand to give Garrus's a grateful squeeze.

Samara held Shepard with a compassionate stare. "I understand better than most the toll tragic decisions can take."

Shepard nodded, giving Samara a tight-lipped smile. The Justicar bowed her head a little, as if acknowledging that the party was neither the time nor the place to start chipping away at the commander's defenses.

"Then Grunt pops up and yells at this group of about twenty Collectors ... something about their mamas being cockroaches..." Jack's voice carried from further down the table. "I jump up to drag his stupid ass back behind cover, but then bam... down he goes. All I see are his feet flying past my head."

Shepard managed a real smile as she heard Grunt's telltale chuckle from down near the end.

"So now I'm all alone, twenty Collectors gunning for my position. I'm sending out shockwaves and shooting my ass off trying to thin them down a bit before they get to me. They're so close that I can smell their nasty ass breath. I figure that I've already bought the farm, then this idiot jumps up and charges. Hit them like a fucking 800 lb bowling ball and sent them flying. Busted Collectors everywhere, and he saunters back to our cover, chuckling to himself. I was like, 'What the fuck was that?'"

"Play dead, use the little helpless girl as bait," Grunt said and chuckled. "Works every time."

"Yeah, so then I hit him with shockwave of his own."

"Heh. Heh. That was fun." Grunt tossed back his drink.

"Shepard's idea of bait involves running away at top speed and leaving her squad to clear the room of Collectors all by themselves," Tali said, leaning forward to look down the table at the commander.

Shepard shrugged, grateful to Tali for lightening things up. "What? There were three Collectors in that room; nothing you two couldn't handle, and someone had to keep clearing the path for Legion."

"There's no way you could have known how many Collectors there were," Tali challenged.

"No?" Shepard cocked an eyebrow at the quarian. "How many were there?"

Tali grumbled. "Three, but you couldn't have known, not unless you have eyes on your backside, because that was the only part of you we saw." Tali craned around to look at Garrus. "Well, does she?"

He held up both hands. "There's no way I'm touching this conversation." When his hand returned to Shepard's waist, she laid hers over it, pulling it a little further around her.

The servers showed up with menus, saving Shepard from further inquisition. Five minutes later, everyone had their food in front of them and the conversation turned to a comparison between different meals including a great many good-natured jokes made at Gardner's expense. Shepard watched her people, not having much of an appetite, but wanting to etch the evening into her memory, all too aware that it might be the last time she saw many of them.

"So, Shepard," Joker called as the meal wound down, "we really have this place all to ourselves all night?"

She nodded, forcing herself out of her head. "Yep. Until they kick us out."

"Does that mean we're going to be seeing your moves on the dance floor later?"

Jack guffawed.

Garrus leaned around her to frown at Joker. "I've seen Shepard dance. Were there moves? I missed them if there were." He chuckled and nuzzled her ear when she elbowed him.

"I think her feet move a little," Tali confirmed. "It's not called the Shepard Shuffle for nothing."

Shepard choked on her mouthful of wine. "You named my dance?"

"We had to," the quarian confirmed, "there's no other way to describe it."

Shepard sighed. "And to think I had my professional dance career all mapped out after the Reapers were dealt with. You have all just crushed my dreams."

"It's okay, Shepard," Jack called. "You're way to good at killing things for the Alliance to ever let you quit."

Shepard smiled, but looked down at her plate. She was very, very good at killing things.

"Don't go there, Shepard," Garrus whispered, leaning close to her ear, his hand rubbing her back. "You're doing all right."

"Yeah, they'll be using jackhammers and the jaws of life to pry your wrinkly old ass off the Normandy when they decommission it, Shepard," Jacob agreed.

"This is all you are," the dead whispered inside her head. "Death is all you will ever have."

Garrus's arm slipped around her, pulling her in against his side. She looked up into his eyes and gave him a quick smile, grateful that he read her so easily.

After dinner, the crew broke up into small groups, discussing everything from the Normandy to the Blasto movie. Shepard stayed in motion, doing the rounds to both get a sense of how the crew was dealing with their abduction and keep herself out of her head. What she heard from the crew gave her hope for the most part, but there were a few people she wanted Dr. Chakwas to keep track of if she could.

"Commander." Thane appeared at her elbow, startling her. He bowed his head slightly. "My apologies." He gestured toward a table away from the rest of the crew. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

"Of course, Thane. What can I do for you?" She followed him to the table and sat.

Thane took a seat, but several moments passed before he spoke. "You will be turning yourself over to the Alliance authorities?"

Shepard glanced around to make sure no one else would over hear. "Yes."

"I thought as much. I sense the burden of those deaths upon you; it is a heavy one." He leaned against the table top, his hands clasped loosely. "I must take my leave of you here. My son needs me." A little smile curved his lips. "Although, I am certain that you foresaw this eventuality."

Shepard nodded and reached out to clasp his hand lightly. "I'm glad, Thane. What time you have should be spent building memories for your son to cherish." She gave him a considering frown, but then broke it with a wink. "However, I think you need him just as badly as he needs you. It'll be good for you both."

"I knew you would understand. I wish you good fortune and an easy conscience as you face the trials ahead." He gave her one of his deep, soulful stares, as if he was trying to see all the way down into the places she kept secret. "You will not be alone?"

She squeezed his hand at the concern in his voice. "No, Garrus is coming with me."

"Good, even Commander Shepard needs someone to lean on from time to time." He stood, switching her grip on his hand so that he held her hand between both of his. "Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Shepard. It has meant more to me than I can express. I will keep in touch as long as I am able."

Shepard shook the assassin's hand, reaching up to lay her other hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Thane. If you need anything, all you need to do is call." She smiled. "I wish nothing but the best for you and Kolyat."

He bowed slightly, took his hand back and strode to the door and out.

Shepard watched him leave, then turned to look over the rest of her crew. Jack and Tali were already up dancing, trying to pry Joker off his chair to join them. Tali spotted Shepard and waved.

"Come on. It's time to get your shuffle on."

The commander grinned and shook her head. On her way over, she grabbed Gabby, Kelly and a handful of others, even dragging Hawthorne and a chair out onto the floor. "Come on, people. If they're going to make me dance, I need a crowd to hide behind."

Shepard joined Tali and Jack, enduring their laughter with a rueful grin. "You know, I've been told that I look hot when I dance," she protested.

"By who, Shepard?" Miranda asked. "Conrad Verner?"

Garrus, Jacob, Kenneth and a handful of others joined in, the crew forming a loose circle of laughter and good natured teasing around their leader.

"I think I need to start ruling with an iron fist," Shepard protested. "You're all very cocky. I don't like it one bit."

"It's a good thing you have other skills, Shepard," Jacob said, laughing. "I admit, I thought they were exaggerating until now."

After a few more minutes, Garrus walked over, put an arm around her and spun her up against him. "I can't take it any longer. I have to save you from yourself."

Shepard laughed and slipped her arms around him, letting him lead.

"See, much better. You just need the right partner."

She nodded. "That, and when two people do it, the shuffle looks intentional. If I can just convert say, 25% of the galaxy's population to my dance moves, I'll become queen of the dance floor. You wait, Vakarian, it'll happen."

Garrus laughed. "Good luck with that."

She smiled and leaned into him, enjoying the simple comfort of being held.

They danced for a couple of hours, talking, teasing and just enjoying the company of the people who had become like family over the months. The tone of the evening remained mellow, however, and the party broke up just after midnight.

Garrus and Shepard caught a cab back to the Normandy when Tali and some of the others decided to explore the Citadel.

Garrus sat in the chair down by the bed and pulled her onto his lap. "Good party. I think it was good for them."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah. It was good."

"Still planning on breaking the news in the morning?" He rubbed the back of her neck with one hand.

"Yes." She leaned into him, clasping her hands behind his neck as his hand slid down her back, both arms pulling her in tight. "You haven't said much about this." She stroked his neck. "Is it because they could lock me away for ... well, for the rest of my life."

He pulled her in and touched his brow to hers. "We just started figuring this thing out, Shepard. There hasn't been enough..." The sentence ground to a halt. "And.. I wish..." He grumbled and cleared his throat. "I wish I could take some of this weight off you." He pressed his hand over her heart. "You put on that tough, Commander Shepard mask, but I can feel it in there, hammering away at you."

"Yeah." Standing, she pulled him up after her. She kissed him, her fingers undoing the fasteners down his tunic. "As for being separated... the last time the universe forced us apart, I died, and you became a superhero on Omega. That didn't stop us from finding one another again." She pulled her dress over her head and threw it across the chair. "If we can overcome those hurdles, I think we can count on meeting up again."

He chuckled. "I suppose that's the way to look at it."

"Damn straight." She led him to the bed. "And, as for the other... You do, Garrus. Just by being here. You saved my butt a couple of times tonight." She smiled and ran her hands up both sides of his chest and around behind his neck. "Now, are you going to make love to me, or should we just call it a night?" She kissed him, soft and teasing, then stared into his eyes, losing herself and her burdens there. "I suggest you take the first option."

He chuckled and pulled her in tight against him. "I was leaning in that direction."

And for a couple of hours, the whispers stayed blessedly silent.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard awoke the next morning in Garrus's arms, pressed tight against him as he snored softly, his breath stirring her hair. She smiled and closed her eyes, savouring the moment. Despite what she'd said the night before, she didn't know if she'd ever see him again once they arrived on Earth.

She pushed aside everything but enjoying the new, strangely safe feeling of being held in her best friend's arms.

"Do you think we could just sleep through today?" he asked softly, shifting to curl in tighter against her.

She turned over to face him. "We could, but the Reapers would still be a day closer to Earth and Palaven."

"There you go again with your depressing reality."

"Look who's talking, Mr. Optimism." She leaned up and kissed him, then wriggled loose and sat up on the side of the bed. "God, I wish this whole thing was over."

He reached out and stroked her side with the backs of his talons. "We'll get through it, Shepard."

She squeezed his hand, then got up and headed for the bathroom. She opened a comm channel as she climbed the stairs. "Joker?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Have the crew assemble in the galley at 0900."

"Will do."

Shepard paused at her computer terminal to check her messages. "EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Did you get those transfers handled?"

"I did, Shepard. Dr. T'Soni was able to sell all the mineral resources you set aside. The proceeds from the sale were divided evenly amongst the Normandy's crew."

"Thank you, EDI."

"My pleasure, Commander."

Shepard dressed and headed down to the galley, Garrus right behind her. The rest of the crew had already arrived, discussing their guesses as to why she had called them there. She gave them all warm smiles and returned their greetings. She climbed the few stairs and cleared her throat. An expectant hush fell over the space.

"All right," she began, her voice just loud enough to carry to the back. "To prevent the Batarians going to war with the Alliance while the Reapers cruise through the galaxy, I'll be turning myself in to Alliance forces to face the consequences of destroying the Alpha Relay and the colony on Aratoht. This will most likely mean a court-martial and imprisonment.'

'Most of you are Cerberus, so you could face terrorism charges if you return with me. Those of you who are not Cerberus, you joined the team to take out the Collectors. This task is done. However, the Reapers are still coming. The lives of everyone on Aratoht only bought us six months, max. You need to get yourselves out there preparing people to meet that threat any way you can. Since we're at the Citadel, this seems like the opportune time for us to part ways. "

She paused and smiled. "There's no way that I can ever properly express my gratitude for your loyalty and sacrifice over the past few months. Thank you for everything. The Collectors are nothing more than a legend now thanks entirely to you. I wish you all the very best.'

'The Normandy will be leaving for Earth tomorrow at 0700. Anyone not making that trip needs to be off the boat by then. Dismissed."

She trotted down the stairs and spent the next hour saying goodbye.

"I've never seen Earth," Tali said, walking up beside Shepard. She leaned back on one hip and crossed her arms. "I can catch a ride back to the fleet just as easily from there as the Citadel." The quarian nodded. "I hear it's a nice planet this time of year. I think I'll see for myself."

Shepard chuckled and put her arm around Tali's shoulders. "I really lucked out that day in the wards. Thank god Fist was such a dumb-ass."

Tali bumped Shepard with her shoulder. "I didn't do too badly that day either, Captain." She straightened. "I'd better get down to engineering and help Ken and Gabby. They're going to turn themselves over to the Alliance here."

Shepard nodded. "Have you seen Samara?"

Tali shook her head. "I don't think she came back after the party. Guess she doesn't like good byes."

Sighing, Shepard turned to Grunt, her hand coming up to shake his as his fist impacted her shoulder, sending her staggering.

When everyone had returned to their duty stations or to get some sleep, Shepard headed to the medbay to talk with Dr. Chakwas.

"I know why you're here, Shepard," the feisty doctor said as soon as Shepard walked through the door, "but there is no way you're talking me out of returning to Earth with you. I joined this crew of my own volition and carry neither shame nor regret about my actions, or yours."

Shepard smiled and nodded. "Very well, doctor. I know better than to argue with you."

"You'll get the same answer from Jeff, I'm afraid. We'll stand with you to the end, Shepard."

"Thank you. If it wasn't for you and the rest of the crew, I might actually start believing my press. But I guess if people of such honourable character still believe in me, I must be doing something right."

The doctor snapped to attention and saluted Shepard for what the commander was pretty sure was the first time. "It's been an honour to know you, Shepard, and it'll be an honour to continue to serve with you when you're reinstated and back aboard the Normandy where you belong."

Shepard returned the salute. "The honour is mine, Dr. Chakwas. It's all mine." She turned and walked out the door.

When Shepard reached the bridge, Joker confirmed what the doctor had told her. He intended to return with her to do whatever he could.

"I just hope we don't end up sharing a cell," Shepard sighed.

"Damn right, EDI says you snore."

"EDI!"

"Yes, Commander."

"Spying on me when I sleep is just a little creepy, EDI."

"My sensors function continually throughout the ship, Commander."

"Well un-function them in my cabin when I am sleeping... and... oh God..."

Joker let out a half-laugh, half-cough. "That just occurred to you, didn't it?"

Shepard just shook her head. "Definitely un-function them when ..."

"When what, Shepard?"

"When... umm..." Shepard groaned and reached up to rub her temple. "I think I'm getting a headache."

"I do not understand."

"EDI, what the commander is trying to say is... no listening in on her and Garrus doing the nasty." He shuddered. "Ew, now I feel dirty."

Shepard just sighed and turned away, heading toward Mordin's lab. "Join the club."

"Can I get a hat?"

Shepard laughed and shook her head.

"Hey, after everything we've been through, I think I deserve a hat."

"I do not understand, Jeff. I have found Commander Shepard and Garrus's interactions to be quite educational in the areas of emotional relationships and inter-species sexual behaviour."

"And now a jacket!" he shouted after her. "A leather one!"


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard looked at herself in the mirror, straightened a stray lock of hair, then smoothed and tugged on her dress blues. They felt tight.

"I think I've gained weight since I died."

"10 lbs worth of tech maybe," Garrus replied from the other side of the bathroom door. "So, are you ready to go, or do we steal the Normandy... again... and take off?"

Shepard walked out the door. "That would technically be the third time I stole the Normandy, wouldn't it?" She chuckled. "I'm pretty sure the Illusive Man isn't happy about my parting gift."

She sighed and held out her arms. "So, how do I look? Properly official, contrite and chastened?"

He reached out and touched her cheek. "You look ready."

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am. Let's get this over with." She took a deep breath and headed for the door.

Joker, Dr. Chakwas and Tali were waiting at the airlock. When she stepped through the door, they all saluted her. She smiled.

"Thank you." She walked between them and opened the outer hatch. At the end of the ramp, Admiral Anderson was waiting with two other officers and a small platoon of marines.

"Damn, judging by the reception committee, we must be bad-ass renegades," Joker said and whistled.

"Imagine if Shepard hadn't turned herself in." Garrus nodded and chuckled.

"Ah well, there wouldn't be enough Alliance soldiers on earth to take Shepard down if she didn't want to go."

Shepard laughed. "Thank you for your wild overestimation of my abilities." She started down the gangway.

"Hey, count up the geth, mercs, collectors... we have to have taken out 20,000 or so by now." He sighed. "Of course, ammo might be an issue if we're stuck in here fighting the entire planet."

"Heat sinks. Ammo is still unlimited."

"Pft," Joker scoffed. "Yammer all you want about efficient cooling, all I hear is limited ammo."

Shepard chuckled, but then forced her face straight as she approached Admiral Anderson. A few feet away, she stopped, snapped to attention and saluted.

"Admiral Anderson, I hereby surrender myself and the Normady SR2 to Alliance custody."

"I accept your surrender, Commander Shepard." Anderson returned her salute, then reached out to shake her hand. He gave her a tight-lipped smile. "We're riding the leading edge of a massive shit-storm, here Shepard." He motioned for her to walk with him. "If you hadn't agreed to surrender yourself, we'd already be at war with the Batarians. Someone is stirring up a lot of hate out there."

"I did just destroy one of their colonies, Anderson. I can't blame them for wanting to lynch me."

The doors into the Alliance Vancouver headquarters opened before them. Shepard stopped dead, sudden panic gripping her. Give her a thousand angry batarians and a rifle, she wouldn't even blink, but how did she fight this enemy?

Anderson turned back and nodded. "Don't worry, Shepard. I gave Udina the Councillor position just to come back for this. Hackett and I have your back, and the defence committee is going to be relying on you heavily over the next several months. There's no way they'll turn you over to the Batarians."

"Thanks, I hadn't even considered that possibility." Despite Anderson's assurance, it was Garrus's hand on the small of her back that got her through the doors. When they shut behind her, she couldn't help wonder how old she'd be when she walked back out, if she ever did.

The Admiral stopped outside a sealed door, looking past Shepard to her team. "The commander has to go alone from here. Doctor, you and Moreau need to go with Captain Labuschagne. Vakarian, Tali'Zorah... Corporal Natiri can show you to guest quarters."

"With all due respect, Admiral," Garrus said, stepping up until he was pressed against the back side of Shepard's arm. "Until this is settled, where Shepard goes, I go."

Shepard hid a smile. Ash had been right. With all due respect was just a polite way of saying kiss my ass.

"You're an agent of an alien government," Anderson argued. "Any sensitive intelligence..."

"I'm Shepard's agent. If you need me to sign over internal organs or my first born to ensure nondisclosure of sensitive information, so be it." Shepard studied the steel in her best friend's pale blue eyes, struck with a momentary jolt of emotion. Not quite able to put her finger on what it was, she shook it off. No one could hope for a better friend. A wry smile lifted one corner of her mouth. She didn't envy Anderson having that stare boring through him.

The two men stared at one another for a moment, then Anderson nodded. "Very well, I'll get you the necessary clearance and nondisclosure agreements." He opened the door and stepped through.

Shepard turned back to what was left of her crew and took each of their hands. "Thank you. I'll see you all soon." She looked up at Garrus, the wry smile spreading across the rest of her mouth. "Your first born?"

He shrugged. "You never know. Stranger things have happened."

She took a deep breath and walked through the door. "That they have."

Three severe looking officers sat behind a massive, raised desk on the far side of the room. Shepard set her shoulders and walked toward them, head held high, back straight. She stopped at attention and snapped a rigid salute.

"Commander Jane Shepard, as a alleged agent of the terrorist organization, Cerberus, it has been decided that your involvement in the Alpha Relay incident will be tried by tribunal rather than court martial," a handsome, older female admiral said. She returned Shepard's salute then stared down at her like an eagle, gold eyes predatory and unforgiving. After a moment, she sat and leaned forward, forearms resting on the desk top.

"What's the difference?" Garrus asked Anderson.

"Tribunals are for war criminals and enemies of the Alliance captured or surrendered, usually during war," Anderson whispered back.

The admiral ran a hand over her tightly pulled back steel-grey hair as if ensuring that no stray locks had dared leave formation. "The verdict rendered by this tribunal will be final. Do you have any questions?"

"No Ma'am," Shepard replied.

"Very well, you will be remanded into Admiral Anderson's custody until this matter is settled. He is making arrangements for your security during the Tribunal."

"Have there been threats?" Garrus asked, ignoring Anderson's warning mutter as he stepped forward.

The admiral stared at him through narrow eyes for a moment. "Garrus Vakarian. I assume by your presence here that Admiral Anderson is seeing to the proper clearances?"

"I am, Admiral Nedev," Anderson replied.

"Very well. Understand that although we appreciate your loyalty to the commander and your concerns for her safety, we will tolerate no disruptions in our proceedings. If you cannot conduct yourself accordingly, you will be removed, and incarcerated if necessary."

Garrus took a step forward, seeming to grow a foot taller. "Have there been threats made against Shepard?" he asked again.

"There have, primarily by a Batarian organization calling themselves The Proud Remains. Do not concern yourself, Commander Shepard is in no danger, Mr. Vakarian."

The admiral sighed as if she couldn't believe she had to deal with such a tawdry situation. "The tribunal will begin in these chambers tomorrow at 1000 hrs. Until then, we stand recessed." She stood, the other two following suit.

Shepard saluted and remained at attention until the three officers left the room. She let out a long breath, her shoulders falling, and turn to face Garrus. He'd already turned to question Anderson about The Proud Remains and the nature of the threats made against her. She watched him, an odd and familiar sensation flowing through her, making her knees weak and her hands tremble.

As he glanced over his shoulder at her, then turned to face her, Shepard groaned internally and muttered, "Oh crap."

He frowned. "What is it, Shepard?"

She just shook her head. Now was definitely not the time to tell him that she'd just realized she was falling in love with him. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Of all the stupid things to go and do... and now... of all times.

"I'm so screwed," she grumbled under her breath.

"Come on, Shepard. I'll show you to your quarters," Anderson called, "and we can get to work on the small rainforest worth of paperwork we're going to need for 1000 tomorrow."

"Yes Sir." She nodded. Everything else had to hit the back burner. She needed her wits about her during the tribunal. She couldn't afford distractions.

The squad of marines took formation around them the moment that Shepard stepped through the door. Their bodies formed a wall between her and the crowded corridor filled with Alliance personnel going about their business. Shepard stayed alert, keeping an eye out for anyone or anything suspicious. She hated not having a gun at her side. It felt like being naked, despite her shields. She eyeballed the side arm on the closest marine. If worse came to worst, she could probably grab his gun.

They stopped at an elevator, her guards pushing them off to one side as the elevator emptied.

"Should have had a dedicated elevator," Garrus grumbled. "This is unacceptable."

One of Shepard's guards turned to face them. "Not for long."

Shepard felt the impact of a bullet even before she saw the pistol in the marine's hand.

"The Illusive Man sends his regards, Shepard."

The world slowed to half speed. Shepard doubled over from the force of the shot, snatching for the nearest pistol as she went down. She hit the ground and turned over, getting off a shot into her attacker. Garrus landed on her, firing as well. Six shots from both guns pounded into the attacker, throwing him ten feet, where he slid into a post with a sickening crunch.

"Ouch," she grunted, giving Garrus a gentle push. "Your elbow is dissecting my liver."

He rolled off of her onto his knees. "Are you okay?"

She made a face. "Sure, just a minor gut wound and turian body slam damage. Damn disruptor round went right through my shields." She frowned as she saw blood trickling down his face, and scrambled up onto her knees to get a closer look at the wound. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, just a graze."

Anderson and the remaining marines hauled them both to their feet and shoved them into the elevator. Anderson entered a code and they took off.

"You okay, Shepard?" the admiral demanded.

"No thanks to your crack team of guards," Garrus grumbled. "Did any of you squeeze off a single round?" He shoved the pistol he'd grabbed into the chest of the marine he'd taken it from.

"God dammit, right in the protection detail." Anderson paced two steps and back. "We'll get you medical attention as soon as we get to your quarters."

Shepard gave him a pained smile. "No offence if I ask for Dr. Chakwas."

He stopped, then gave a reluctant smile and shook his head. "Some things never change. You're still a pain in the ass."

Shepard nodded, grunting softly from the pain. "Yeah, that's fair."

Anderson and the marines hustled her out of the elevator and down the hall into a small suite.

"Does the entire galaxy use the same decorator?" she grumbled, gaze sliding over the same couches, same everything as every other place she'd been. Hobbling to a chair, she waved Garrus over and pulled him down into the seat next to hers.

"Come here, let me look at that graze."

He sat and turned his head for her to look. "You're just trying to see if it will leave another scar. You're a twisted woman."

Shepard just gave him a quick wink. The graze had already started to clot. "You'll live, and probably no scar."

"Sorry to disappoint you." He undid her uniform far enough up to check on her wound.

She laid her hand over his. "You threw yourself on me and took a bullet, Vakarian. Disappointed isn't even in my vocabulary at the moment."

He stared into her eyes for a second then turned his attention back to the bleeding hole in her side. "Looks like you'll be adding another beauty mark." He looked up at Anderson. "Is Chakwas on her way?"

"Already here, Garrus," the doctor answered, hurrying into the room. She clucked her tongue with disapproval as she saw Shepard's side. "Can't leave you alone with a battalion of bodyguards for even a second, can I?"

Shepard chuckled. "I guess not."

The doctor looked around, then nodded toward the kitchen table. "Hop up there. I'll have it sorted in a minute."

Once Shepard's wound was looked after, she, Anderson and Garrus sat down to go over all the details of the tribunal.

"You've been given court appointed counsel, Shepard. Lt. Gigrani was supposed to meet us here." Anderson grumbled. "Hopefully she'll arrive before 1000."

"All the batarians have for evidence against you are a couple of outgoing messages when you were looking for pickup off the asteroid's surface, and the testimony of a surviving member of the project staff." Anderson passed her a datapad with transcribed testimony. "Apparently, when the batarians tried to apprehend one of the escaping shuttles, all the staff on board killed themselves rather than be captured. Only reason they have this Dr. Sorkin is because he missed when he tried to take his own life. He's clearly indoctrinated, ranting day and night about being denied the blessings the Reapers promised to him."

"I'm not going to contest what I did, Anderson. 300,000 batarians are dead, because I destroyed that relay. It was my only choice, but that doesn't make me any less guilty of the act. If it wasn't for needing to stop the Reapers, I would just turn myself over to the Batarians." She read the aimless rambling on the datapad. "Is this even going to be admissible as evidence?"

"If it wasn't for the Reapers, you wouldn't have been there in the first place, Shepard," Garrus reminded her, his voice soft but his tone hard.

Anderson grumbled under his breath. "The Alliance is in a tough spot, Shepard. If they find that there isn't enough evidence to hold you, the Batarians will declare war, and they'll come after you with a vengeance. So, yes, they have already ruled to allow Dr. Sorkin's testimony."

"So, basically, this entire procedure is a sham," Garrus said. "Present evidence on both sides, and then find Shepard not guilty enough for court martial and dishonourable discharge, but guilty enough to keep under lock and key until some mystical alignment of the stars, then turn her loose?"

"Pretty much."

Shepard shook her head. "I'm going to be sitting on my ass in a cell when the Reapers blast the chair out from under me. This is insane. Either throw me to the wolves or get me back out there where I can do some bloody good." She sighed and raised a hand to forestall Anderson's reply. "I know. War."

After another hour of discussion, Shepard excused herself to lay down while Garrus signed away his first born, and probably a kidney or the turian equivalent, in order to sit in on the tribunal. She shut the bedroom door and eased herself onto the bed with a soft groan.

Garrus had pulled the shades on all the windows, but thin strips of orange pink shone between the metal slats, painting the walls like an indoor sunset.

Earth. Not the way she'd imagined returning when she boarded the first Normandy two and a half years earlier. How had she turned from Saviour of the Citadel into a pawn? She sighed. Maybe she'd always been a pawn, and just hadn't realized it. Save a couple million lives, you're a hero. Sacrifice them, no matter the reason, you're a pawn. Not even a villain... just a chess piece for people to move around as their agendas dictate.

The door opened.

"Hey."

She smiled and rolled over to look at him. "Hey."

"One of the guards recommended this," he said, setting a tray down on the bed. "Fried chicken and mashed potatoes? She said it was comfort food." He sat down next to her, resting his arm on her hip.

Shepard lifted the lid. "Thanks. It smells good. Not feeling much like eating right now, though." She reached up and laid her hand on the chest plate of his armour.

He moved the tray over to the table beside the bed and gave her a gentle shove. "Move over."

Shepard chuckled and scooted over, moving back in as he laid down at her side.

"Sorry about the armour, but I'm not taking any chances. Anderson had all the rest of your guards interrogated, and brought in a few new ones. Still.."

"I don't care if you have a mako strapped to your ass, Vakarian." She tugged a pillow over his arm and laid her head in the angle of his shoulder. "Just put your arms around me."

"That I can do."

After a moment, she sighed. "It would be easier to just turn myself over to the Batarians. Let the Alliance find another puppet to manoeuvre."

He pulled away and leaned up on an elbow, staring down at her with an anger, that she'd never seen focused on her. "And what do the rest of us do against the Reapers while the Batarians torture you, rape you, then tie you out for the varren to feed on?" He shook his head, his mandibles dropping. "Dammit, Shepard. I know you feel remorse for the people on Aratoht, but this self pity... snap out of it. You're useless to us like this. This isn't you."

She reached up, laying her hand against his cheek, and nodded. "Yeah. Okay." She took a deep breath. "You're right. Time to buck up and soldier on." His eyes softened, and he laid back down. She reached behind her to drag the overhang of the blanket over her. Tucked in warm and snug at his side, she leaned up and kissed him. "Thanks for being here, Garrus."

He nodded. "Get some sleep, Shepard. I'm not going anywhere." He nuzzled her brow. "You're stuck with me."


	6. Chapter 6

VI

"I'm not entirely sure that lunch intends to stay with me," Shepard whispered to Garrus. She pressed her arm across her stomach as it rolled. "Three days of this has given me permanent indigestion."

He nodded and gave her hand a squeeze as he left her at her chair and crossed the barricade to sit in the gallery directly behind her.

Shepard sat down and glanced behind her at the people filing into the room. Her communicator indicated an incoming call. She scowled and turned to Garrus, pointing to her ear. All her communications were supposed to be blocked.

The turian stood and scanned the room, instantly suspicious. As soon as he reacted, her bodyguards formed a living wall around her, trusting his instincts without even needing to know what was going on.

The commander opened the channel. "Shepard."

"You claim that you tried to give the people on Aratoht 1 hour and 51 minutes warning. You have 1 minute and 51 seconds. You have been judged guilty, Commander Shepard, and your sentence is life."

For a moment, she froze at the familiar voice like a boulder rolling over gravel. "Balak."

The voice just chuckled.

Shepard jumped up, her eyes searching the gallery. At the very back, a batarian walked to the door, put his hand on it, then turned back to look her in the eyes. He tilted his head in a mock bow then left the room.

Heart dropping into her gut with a resounding thud, Shepard reached over the barricade and grabbed Garrus, pushing him around to face the door and the departing terrorist. "Garrus! It's Balak!" She turned to the door at the front of the room. The admirals were filing in to take their place behind the desk.

"Shepard?" Garrus called.

"He said I had 1 minute 51 seconds."

"Bomb?"

Shepard shrugged. She looked to Admiral Nedev. "Clear the room!"

"Commander, what's going on? I told you no..."

Shepard leaped over the table, ran the few feet, grabbed two admirals by the wrist and literally flung them toward the door. She grabbed Nedev and dragged the protesting admiral to the door.

"Shepard!"

"I just received a threat, bear with me." She pushed the admiral out the door, then turned back. There were so many people in the courtroom. She needed to clear them quickly but without causing a panic. Yelling bomb was out. Glancing around, she spotted the fire alarm. She ran the three steps and pulled it.

"You too, Shepard," Garrus shouted over the alarm. Her bodyguards closed around her, pressing her back toward the corridor.

"How long?"

"About a minute and a half."

"You had better start explaining, Shepard," Nedev demanded, following, trying to see her past the wall of armour.

" I received a communication that said I was getting 1 minute 51 seconds warning. When I looked around the room I saw Captain Ka'Hairal Balak, the Batarian terrorist who tried to destroy Terra Nova, leaving the room."

The elevator opened, and Shepard was swept inside, Nedev following.

"We have about forty five seconds," Garrus said, hitting the elevator controls.

"Why'd he give me so much time?" Shepard asked. She looked around her as if she could find the answer lying on the floor or written on the wall. "He had to know I'd leave. If he wanted to blow up an empty room..."

"Crap." Garrus hit the elevator panel, then again. "It's not responding."

Shepard pushed her way to the controls, then stopped. "They confiscated my omnitool."

Garrus set to work. "No use anyway, it's fried it all to hell."

"Boost me up, and someone give me a pistol." She grabbed one of the several pistols thrust at her and shot the lock on the access hatch. Shepard lifted a foot, stepping into Garrus's hands as he bent down. She punched through the hatch with her shoulder, then climbed up.

"Shepard?"

"Twenty three seconds and enough explosives to obliterate the elevator." She looked around, but found no way to dispose of the explosives. Only thing to do was to stop the elevator and hope they could get out. Twenty seconds.

She aimed the pistol at the elevator controls. "Hold on and be prepared to force the door." With two shots, she took out the power couplings. The elevator lurched as the emergency brakes kicked in, throwing Shepard back down through the hatch. Someone caught her and set her on her feet.

Garrus forced the door wide enough to push through, then reached back and grabbed her, dragging her through with him. They fell five feet to the floor. Garrus dragged her up, managing two strides down the hall before a shockwave threw them to the floor, followed by a blast of flame and a deafening roar.

Shepard jumped up, teetering precariously for a moment, before her equilibrium returned. She bent down and rolled Garrus over.

"You okay?" she yelled, deafened by the blast.

He nodded, accepting her hand to pull him up off the floor.

A cloud of dust and smoke billowed around her and she began to choke. She put a sleeve over her nose and mouth. The air shimmered with reflective particles. "What the hell was that bomb made of?"

They ran back to the elevator. The admiral and four bodyguards were sprawled on the floor just outside the burning, twisted remains of the death trap. Shepard grabbed a breather mask and tossed one to Garrus. Once she could breathe, lifted the fire extinguisher off the wall, blasting it over the door, putting out enough of the fire to crawl into the wreckage. The whole back side of the car was gone, along with whomever had been standing there. Two of her guards were dead, another badly burned and missing a foot, but still breathing.

"Garrus, I need a hand."

He reached in and helped her ease the injured marine out onto solid footing.

Shepard climbed back out and knelt next to the admiral. "Admiral Nedev, are you okay?"

The admiral shook her head and rolled over, revealing a large chunk of shrapnel sticking out from under her shoulder blade.

"Dammit." Shepard undid her dress tunic and shrugged out of it, laying it over the injured admiral. "Hold on. Help is on its way." She crawled over to the soldier from the elevator. "Someone have medigel?" She ripped a strip off the bottom of her t shirt and wrapped it around the stump of the soldier's leg. "Pistol!"

Someone thrust one in her hand. She shoved the muzzle through the loops of fabric and twisted it around and around until the bleeding stopped. Garrus gave the soldier medigel, and the woman's breathing evened out a bit.

"Anyone else hurt?"

The rest of them responded in the negative. She looked up at Garrus and shook her head. "Too bloody close."

He nodded. "Good thing one of us was using their brain, or we'd all be at the bottom of that shaft."

"It wasn't the blast I was expecting seeing how many canisters were attached to the detonator." She swiped two fingers over the floor, picking up some of the shimmering material, and rubbed them together. "Maybe because of this stuff. I've never seen an explosive that left anything like this behind. It's really fine."

Garrus looked at it and shook his head. "Some sort of chemical or biological agent, maybe? Only enough bang to disperse it?"

Shepard shook her head. "Sure hope not. I'd hate to grow any extra limbs."

"Or have any drop off," he added. "Inconvenient."

Emergency workers and marines descended on the scene, taking over. Shepard crawled backwards out of the way and collapsed against the wall. As she sat there for a moment, her leg began to ache. She twisted it off to one side and saw a wide gash opening her leg to the bone just above her ankle.

"Crap." She pressed her hand down on it to stop the bleeding. "When someone has a moment, I could use some medigel over here."

An hour later, Shepard flopped down onto the couch in her suite, laying sprawled out, one foot on the couch, the other on the coffee table. "I'm getting too old for this."

"Imagine how I feel, Shepard." Anderson walked in the door, heading over to sit on the opposite couch.

"How the hell did a batarian terrorist get into Shepard's tribunal?" Garrus demanded, storming over.

"He was signed in as one of their observers under an alias. Fake ID's, fake DNA scan, the works." Anderson shook his head. "We have the whole building on lock down. The batarians have had to submit to DNA identification and verification on the rest of their observers, and those observers are going to be sequestered in the building under guard until the tribunal is over."

"Can't they just say I'm guilty and get it over with?" Shepard draped her arm over her eyes. "I mean, I admitted that I blew the damned thing up, how much more cut and dried could it be?"

"They have to jump through all the hoops, Shepard. If the batarians can point to anything as proof that the Alliance is protecting you..."

She sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I know. War."

"The Hegemony is pushing hard for you to be extradited to a batarian court, Shepard. What they'd do to you if they got their hands on you..."

Shepard shuddered. "I'm familiar with what batarians are capable of, Admiral. How is Admiral Nedev?"

"Fine. They treated her for a punctured lung. She'll be released tomorrow, and has already set the tribunal to reconvene at 0900 the next day."

"Tough old bird," Shepard replied, smiling and shaking her head. "How many did we lose in that elevator?" She uncovered her eyes and sat up.

"Five." Anderson sighed. "Could have been a lot worse, Shepard."

"Any word on that strange powder? Do we have to worry about spontaneously generating limbs?"

"Its biological, but so far seems harmless. It's not viral, nor bacterial. No signs of spores, toxins or catalysing agents. It's a complete mystery, but our researchers are taking it apart now."

She looked over at Garrus. "Yeah. Okay, I'm suddenly really tired, so I'm going to lay down for a while."

Anderson stood. "I'll check in later on."

Shepard gave him a quick salute then headed for the shower.


	7. Chapter 7

VII

"Commander Jane Shepard, it is the judgement of this tribunal that there is insufficient evidence of war crimes to hold you over for court martial. However, due to your admitted affiliation with the terrorist organization, Cerberus and your involvement in the destruction of the Alpha Relay, this tribunal sentences you to incarceration in an Alliance penal facility for a period of five years. We will reconvene in one year to review this judgement."

There was a roar of rage from the batarians and a cry of dismay from her supporters, leaving Shepard feeling like a leaf held precariously in place between two opposing tornadoes.

Shepard remained standing.

"You have something to add, Commander?" Admiral Nedev asked, motioning for silence.

"Yes Sir. About Dr. Karin Chakwas and Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. I am ... was their commanding officer."

The admiral gave her a tight smile and nodded. "Although we have scheduled interviews with both of them regarding any intelligence they might have in regards to Cerberus, no charges or punitive actions will be taken against either of them. We are satisfied with the testimony that they joined your crew strictly to assist you with the Collector problem."

Shepard let out a small, relieved sigh and saluted the panel. "Thank you, Admiral."

"This tribunal stands dismissed." The three officers stood and filed out of the room.

Shepard sank into her seat. It hadn't gone as well as she had hoped, but neither had it turned out as badly as she feared. Still, instead of being out there preparing for the Reapers, she was going to be sitting on her ass when they arrived. Panic crawled up from the pit of her gut, its claws sinking deep before she bit down on her lip and forced it away. The cell was just another enemy to be faced and endured.

"Shepard." Anderson walked through the barricade and held out his hand.

Shepard saluted, then shook his hand. "Admiral. Thanks for speaking up on my behalf."

"Of course, Shepard. Not much any of us could do. We can't risk war with the Batarians. I've had you placed here in isolation with a dedicated guard. The Proud Remains just released a five million credit bounty on your head. Besides, we need to keep you close. The defence committee is going to be calling on you in the next weeks to testify, bring them up to speed as much as you can on what we're dealing with." He glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the brass. "I'd better start in, Shepard. I'll be by to see you in a couple of days."

Shepard shook his hand. "Thanks, for everything, Admiral."

Anderson gave her a sharp nod and strode off.

Two guards appeared on either side of her chair. She sighed and stood. "Okay, gentlemen."

"Shepard..." Tali walked up and hugged her over the barrier.

Shepard smiled. "Don't worry about me, Tali. Get your people ready, and keep an eye on Admiral Xen. Don't let her and Han'Garrel start any wars."

"I'll do my best, Shepard." The quarian hugged her again then stepped back as Garrus walked up to the barrier.

Shepard took a step forward, but one of her new guards reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. Shepard turned to look him in the eye, staring him down until he released her. Nodding, she turned away and walked over to Garrus. They stared at one another for a few moments before either spoke. She blinked back the burning in her eyes and packed her sorrow down with the panic.

"I..." He shook his head. "I'll stay in touch with Anderson, see if there's some way we can get you out of there."

Shepard sighed, hating that it trembled. "It's okay. Get your people ready, Garrus. They've got the strongest military in the galaxy, and the Reapers are going to test it past its breaking point." She gave him her best brave smile. "Don't worry about me. I've been through worse."

He reached out for her hand, squeezing her fingers when she took it. "It doesn't sound like they'll let me, but I'll try to stay in touch."

"So will I." She nodded. "Stay safe out there, Vakarian."

He nodded and let go, backing up a step before turning to follow the rest of the crowd out the door.

Like an elastic stretched too far, her control snapped. "Garrus!"

He stopped and turned back.

Shepard hopped over the barricade and strode over to him, wrapping her arms around him. "Thank you."

He held her tight. "I'll always have your back, Shepard."

She pulled away, then kissed him. "I'll see you soon," she whispered, hoping it was true.

"Bet on it." He released her as her guards ran up. This time, they both grabbed her arms, pulling her back through the barricade and out into the detention area.

"There's no need to man handle me, gentlemen. I'm not resisting." Shepard glanced back over her shoulder, then the door shut behind her.

* * *

"Garrus,

It's been a week. My cell is bearable, just. It's more like a really tiny apartment, so I can't honestly complain. I get out an hour a day to run laps or work out on my own. I have a battalion of guards that Anderson hand picked. They seem to be good people. Anderson is being careful, especially since TPR upped the bounty to seven million credits. Through the little chatting that we've done, I've figured out that most of my guards had relatives on Eden Prime during the Geth attack or on Horizon when the Collectors hit.

One of my guards, Beth, had a grandmother on Horizon. Her Nan, as she calls her, now lives with her here, on earth, and is constantly sending me food. At the rate the pasta and desserts are rolling in, my dress blues are definitely not going to fit when I get out.

My first appearance before the Defence Committee is tomorrow. I'm not sure they're going to be productive meetings, but it can't hurt to try, I suppose.

I hope wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, you're safe.

Shepard"

* * *

"Garrus.

I've met with the Defence Committee ten times over the past three weeks. They listen, they ask considered questions, they respond with measured answers. They seem to be taking the threat seriously, but they won't tell me anything. Anderson assures me that he and Hackett are doing everything they can. I just feel so useless.

Hell, even these messages don't go anywhere. Every day I send one to Alliance Comms and they politely refuse to send it. Same with my messages to Tali, Dr. Chakwas, Liara and Joker. I feel like I'm trapped in a tiny bubble outside reality. I don't know if I can stand a year of this let alone five. Of course, I'm sure the Reapers will hit Earth long before that, and I'll have a giant picture window view of the end of everything.

The Alliance has chased off everything from spy drones to attack drones and cameras, speaking of my massive window. Everyone wants a piece of me, either dead or to splatter across news headlines. Thank god ANN gave up Shepard Watch a couple of weeks in. Only so many days you can report that Shepard is still in the same room, still sitting on her ass, but apparently a few new books were delivered.

Rereading this message, it sounds a bit bitchy. I guess I am bitchy today. Had a really bad dream. I don't remember what it was about, but it was one of those dreams that leaves you with the emotional remains. All I know is that when I awoke, I was feeling complete despair. Everything and everyone I cared about was gone.

Gah, time to go to the gym with James, one of my guards, and challenge him to run the obstacle course. That always makes me feel better. He's massive, a human tank, and strong as a elephant, but I get him on speed and agility every time. Well, except for last time, he grabbed my foot as I was going over the wall and tied it into the rope. Such a cheat.

I hope you are staying safe out there. I'll add this message to the archive and just pray that god or the spirits, or whomever, is looking out for you. Times like this, I wish I had Ashley's faith.

Thinking of you.

Shepard"

* * *

"Garrus.

Been in here what... three months now? Let me tell you, Jack had the right of it. Time gets funny in a cell.

There's this little boy who lives in the building downwind of my cell. Cute little guy, maybe 8 or 9. He's going to be one of the Alliance's best one of these days. He puts in more hours running his fighters around the rooftop than most fighter jocks clock in their ships. Spend a lot of time watching him save the galaxy. Let him loose on the Reapers, I say. He'll kick their asses.

Anderson came by yesterday. Just making sure I was staying sane. Not much he can do for me. I tried to get him to smuggle some messages out for me, but no dice. Oh well. Guess they'll just have to join the Shepard Incarceration Archives.

He didn't say anything definitive, but it sounds like he and Hackett are doing their best to prepare as much as they can with everyone from the Council to the Alliance Defence Committee bucking against them. I don't know how we're going to do this, Garrus. Even if we had ten years to build up our forces, we'd still be outgunned by a huge margin. Don't suppose you have five hundred or so Destiny Ascensions hidden somewhere, do you?

It's making me crazy being in here. I can feel them like a storm building in the back of my skull, pressing closer all the time. It scares the hell out of me. Worse is that I'll probably be sitting here on this damned bed, trapped in this cage, when they land.

Wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, I hope you're having luck getting your people moving. I know that you, at least, are fighting the good fight. I pray that you're okay and taking care of yourself. Anderson promised to let me know if he heard any bad news about any of my people. I guess that's something.

I miss you. Wish like hell there was the slightest chance of getting this to you, or of you being able to contact me. Take care.

Shepard."

* * *

"Garrus.

Five months. Seems like its been a lot longer..."

"Hey, Shepard!"

Shepard looked up from her datapad. "Hey Beth. What's up? Let me guess. You've come to spring me. The getaway car is hovering just outside."

The blonde guard chuckled. "No such luck. I was watching ANN in the guard room on my break, and they announced something coming up in the next segment that you might want to see."

"Oh?" Shepard turned on her vid screen. "It's not the return of Shepard Watch, is it?"

" ... Network has learned that the Turian Hierarchy has established a task force to address the impending Reaper invasion, Primarch Fedorian."

Shepard winced at the all too familiar voice. "How does she still have a job... and an intact jaw?"

Beth chuckled. "You've got to admit, watching her get decked is one of the highlights of the news these days."

"Does this mean that the Council races are now admitting that disgraced Commander Jane Shepard was, in fact, neither delusional nor lying?"

"Miss al Jilani, it is not the Turian government's practice to reveal confidential defence details on the galactic news, nor am I qualified to comment on Jane Shepard's mental health." The turian Primarch pushed past the reporter, moving out of camera.

"I think 'disgraced' has become my legal first name," Shepard sighed.

"It's not you who bears the disgrace, Ma'am." Beth leaned against the door and nodded toward the screen.

"Garrus Vakarian!" Khalisa yelled, pushing through the crowd.

"Oh," Shepard said softly, her breath catching as the camera closed in on Garrus. She leaned forward, forearms on her knees. She smiled. He looked good.

"Garrus Vakarian, Khalisa Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News."

"I know who you are, Miss al-Jilani," the turian replied.

"You were on Earth during now disgraced Commander Jane Shepard's tribunal. Inside sources claim that you testified on her behalf, and now the turian government is rumoured to have formed a task force to deal with the Reaper threat. Was Commander Shepard correct? Is the Council prepared to admit that the Reaper threat is a clear and present danger?"

"I cannot comment on what the Council believes or is prepared to admit. Jane Shepard has been telling the Council, telling everyone, that the Reapers are a clear and present danger for the past three years. The Reapers are in the galaxy, Miss al-Jilani, and our best hope of saving ourselves is sitting in a cell instead of preparing for when they reach the next relay."

Garrus started to walk away, then turned back. "Miss al-Jilani, if I hear you refer to Jane Shepard as disgraced again, I'll discover for myself how good it feels to lay you out cold. Jane Shepard is the finest, most honourable soldier I've ever had the privilege of serving with. She's an individual of rare strength, compassion and intelligence. The disgrace isn't that she took the actions she did to protect the people of this galaxy, it's that she's imprisoned for acting while everyone else sticks their head in the sand." He walked away, disappearing into the crowd as the camera moved back to the reporter.

"That's some boyfriend you've got there," Beth said.

Shepard turned and gave the marine a confused scowl. "Boyfriend?"

Beth straightened and pointed to the vid screen. "You aren't going to try to tell me that man isn't in love with you. He threw himself in front of a bullet and now a reporter for you."

"I... we're not... I mean..."

Beth laughed. "Ah, I see. You haven't gotten to the admitting it stage. Understood. Well, I hate to break it to you, Shepard, but you've got yourself a boyfriend."

"Shouldn't you be guarding something?"

The marine just laughed, gave Shepard a jaunty salute and stepped back out the door. "Oh, by the way, Nan says to save room, she's sending spaghetti tomorrow night. You're not supposed to fill up on what she called Alliance garbage compactor waste."

Shepard made a face. "Well, I won't be now, thanks to that description. Thank your grandmother for me. Her care packages make my day."

Beth shook her head. "She thinks it the least she can do, considering. As for me, I only still have a Nan because you got to Horizon on time." She nodded toward the vid screen. "Well, and I suppose that fellow there deserves some of the credit too."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah, I couldn't have done any of it without him."

Beth mouthed the word boyfriend, grinned, and closed the door before Shepard could react.

* * *

"Garrus.

The little boy is back out saving the galaxy on his rooftop today. I've been watching him most of the morning, thinking about all the different ways my life could have turned. If the batarians had never come to Mindoir... I may never have joined the Alliance Navy. My father wanted me to be a diplomat. He wanted me to have the same blessings that he'd experienced... a loving mate, family, fulfilling work, faith. He believed that he lived an enviable life.

I never thought much about family, a life outside the Alliance. It was my family, my friends, my future for as far ahead as I could see. I can't really regret any of the things that have happened the last few years, as they resulted in lives saved. As an officer in the Alliance, that is the end goal. Disasters averted, lives saved.

Maybe it's just going stir crazy in this room, but suddenly that clear path is murky..."

"Commander, the Defence Committee needs to see you..."


End file.
